Akatsuki Kunoichi? REWRITING
by Moonlight'sServant
Summary: What happens when Akatsuki stumble upon the internet? They find their greatest enemy - the fandom. Now, trying to redeem their destroyed reputations, will forcing kunoichi to join Akatsuki dispel the horrid rumors? Or will their plan crash and backfire?
1. The Problem at Hand

**Hello everyone, this is Moonlight'sServant here, but feel free to call me Moonlight. :D Thank you for taking the time to read this story of mine, it's one of the first I ever put here on . That has been quite a long time ago and my writing style has greatly improved since then, so forgive me for any mistakes you see, and the plot's general crappiness. =o=;**

**However, just as a heads up, this story is already been discontinued for more than a good two years or so, and will most likely stay that way until I finish rewriting it. But still feel free to read this story and enjoy the crap I spewed out as my 10 year-old self (though forgive me again for all the errors), and maybe even leave behind some criticism here and there.**

**Another note, if you, for some odd reason that I've yet to fathom, somehow like this story, feel free to just put it on your story alert. It may take awhile, but when I've finished rewriting it I will most definitely will put something up here to notify that it's done. So please be patient.**

**Warning: I wrote this when I was 10 years old. Many OCs, AU, slightly crack-ish fic and _very_ OOC at times. Anti-yaoi. Also very shitty plot in general, and many errors with writing. Intended for humor, rated T for cussing and Hidan.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto and, unfortunately, despite my efforts, always will be.**

* * *

"Alright, alright, everyone settle down." Pein's voice was muted over the screams of his members in the dark meeting room.

"Sasori, my art is better, yeah!" Deidara glared at the puppet man.

"Brat, it's mine that's better!" The puppet man responded angrily.

"Kakuzuuuuuuuu, where the fuck is my underwear?" Hidan glared pointedly at his partner

"I sold it on eBay." The miser barely looked up from the money he was counting.

"YOU WHAT?"

"Everyone shut up!" Pein's voice was louder this time, but the noise still continued even louder.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP MOTHERFUCKERS!" The Akatsuki abruptly stopped what they were doing and turned aroud to face their steaming leader, glaring at all of them murderously. If looks could kill, all of them would've been burnt to ash by now.

Pein finally calmed down, and looked sternly at his members. "Now that I have your attention, I would like to remind you why we have gathered for this meeting today."

"Could you fucking hurry up!" Pein's eye twitched at the foul-mouthed bastard, but kept his composure.

"It has come to my attention that our so-called fans, have been abusing our evil reputation, more often over the internet with various sites. Now before Konan presents the evidence, are there any questions?" Pein glanced at his members.

"Ooh, ooh, Tobi has a question Leader-sama!" Tobi raised his hand and jumped up and down in his chair. Pein started to rub his temple.

"For the last time Tobi, if you have a question, you don't need to freaking raise your hand! We are not in school!" Pein growled at the orange-masked idiot.

"Tobi is sorry Leader-sama, Tobi will not do it again because Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi grinned cheerily.

Pein sighed. "What is your question Tobi?"

"Um...Tobi wants to know what the Internet is." Everyone (but Tobi) had slapped their foreheads at the idiocy of Tobi's question.

"Tobi…" Pein started rubbing his temples again as he tried to answer Tobi's question, "…I have no time to explain to you now, I suggest you read a book about it." Pein sighed again as the orange masked idiot bounced up and down happily in his chair.

"Now that that's over with…Konan, please present the evidence." Pein glanced at the blue-haired Kunoichi of the Akatsuki.

"Gladly, Pein." Konan walked to the center of the room and inserted a cd into a conveniently placed VCR player. The screen flashed, and a buzzing sound was heard. Suddenly background music played and a video started.

"Evidence #1, retrieved from a site called 'youtube', or something." Konan pointed to the screen.

"_Ooh, Ooh… right there , Danna. Mmh, yeah…."_

"_You want more, brat?" The puppet man smirked at his uke's flushed face_

"_Fuck me, danna …" His uke begged, giving him a puppy dog face._

"_Whatever you say…" And then they started._

Silence.

"MY EYES! THEY BURN, YEAH!" Deidara shielded his eyes from the yaoi onscreen. Sasori on the other hand, was trying to gouge his brain out to remove the scarring images. Tobi's eye was twitching, and the rest of them were either puking or scarred mentally for life.

"NEXT PIECE OF EVIDENCE!" Pein practically screamed at Konan as he covered his eyes. Konan rolled her eyes and pressed a button on a remote control. The video stopped, and a picture showed on the screen.

"Evidence #2, retrieved from another site called 'deviantart', or 'dA', for short."

It showed Hidan covered in cake, clinging onto Kakuzu who was blushing. The Albino haired Jashinist had a wry smile on, saying, "Hey Kuzu, would you mind _helping_ me clean this off? [1]"

Almost half of the Akatsuki had to hold down the Zombie pair, especially Hidan, who wanted to sacrifice the creator of the picture to Jashin. Kakuzu was trying to burn the picture with little success because of Itachi and Kisame holding him down. When the two had finally calmed down, Konan showed them the last piece of evidence.

"Evidence #3, retrieved from a story site called 'fanfiction', shortened to ''."

Konan continued, "Title is 'Kiss Me'. [2]" Most of the members eyebrows rose at the title, but said nothing. As she pushed another button, the picture faded away, and then the screen showed a story. The room was silent until Hidan started reading it outloud.

"_Kisame knew that Itachi was playing with him. What Kisame wanted to right there was to push Itachi onto the bed and have his way with him right there and right then._

_Kisame started to walk closer and closer to Itachi until he was standing right in front of were so close that their bodies were pushed together. Then he pushed Itachi on the bed and kissed him on the lips._

_Kisame started to trail kisses down Itachi's neck. He started to suck Itachi's neck, then he shifted to his shoulder, but Itachi refused to moan. Then-"_

Suddenly Itachi stood up, hands slamming down on the table. A dark aura slowly developed around him, and all eyes turned to him. After a few moments, he spoke.

"I can understand Uchihacest, me harassing Naruto, even crack sex with that pink haired girl on Sasuke's team. But making _me_ Kisame's _uke_? [3]" He growled menacingly, while Kisame looked offended.

"Why is it no one wants to be my uke?…" Kisame muttered sadly. Then, Itachi suddenly walked to the phone, and dialed a number. A few rings could be heard, and then someone answered the phone.

"Hello? National Assitance for Abused Characters? It is I, Itach-…..yes, it's me again, I have a compl-….yes, AGAIN. What? Yes, I'll hold." By now, everyone in the room had a sweatdrop, and Pein had slapped his forehead.

"Ehem. Moving on, I have deduced that this problem needs to be rid of. Any suggestions?" Pein looked around his meeting room, seeing if anyone had a suggestion.

"Can we eat them?" Zetsu asked gleefully, his stomach rumbling. Pein shook his head.

"Too many of them. They'll give you indigestion." Pein answered.

"Damn." Zetsu muttered.

"Anyone else?" Pein asked again.

"Can't we just kill them, yeah?" Deidara asked Pein, who once again shook his head.

"Like I said, there's too many of them. We won't be able to finish them off before their police get into this." Most Akatsuki members muttered curses and sighed at this.

"How about we hire some whores so that those fuckers get off our backs?" Hidan asked suggestively.

"Too expensive," Kakuzu cut in before Pein could answer, "Besides, they won't be able to stay permanently."

"How would you know fucker?" Hidan replied hotly.

"For once, I agree with Kakuzu, Hidan." Pein sighed at another failed idea. "And hiring whores could also compromise our organization."

"Any more suggestions?" He looked at his members, and from the looks on their faces, they didn't have any. Pein was about to close the meeting, when Konan spoke up.

"If I may Pein, I have a suggestion." Pein looked over to his angel, and nodded.

"We should recruit kunoichi. They'll be able to stay permanently, have use to the Akatsuki, and get rid of those yaoi parings." Konan finished by giving a stern look to all Akatsuki members, and then remained quiet again.

"She has a point, you know." Sasori said monotously,receiving shocked faces at his abruptness "Kunoichi often also have medical abilities, which will be very useful to the Akatsuki."

Pein, after a few moments, spoke again. "Does anyone disagree with this idea?" he asked, looking around, to see a twitchy Deidara.

"Is anything wrong?" he asked the blonde bomber, his eyebrow raised. Deidara jumped at thee question, but just shook his head no.

"Alright, it's decided. We will search for capable kunoichi within the week, and report in the outskirts of Amegakure. Is that clear?" All of them nodded their heads, and Pein showed a satisfied smile.

"Meeting adjourned" Pein stood and left the room, followed shortly by Konan. The rest of them left one by one, leaving Sasori and Deidara alone.

"What's wrong, brat? You seem worried." Sasori turned to face his partner, who was still a bit jumpy. Deidara calmed down a bit, and shook his head again.

"It's nothing, yeah..." Sasori raised an eyebrow at his answer, but shrugged it off.

"Well you better get it out of your head, we need to track down some kunoichi." Sasori stood up from his chair, then left Deidara alone.

"That's what I'm so worried about, yeah..." Deidara mumbled, then followed after Sasori.

* * *

**Just some credit where it's due, so that I'm not sued for copyrights:**

_[1] Idea was taken from a fan art picture on deviantart, titled "If Zetsu made the Uniforms". Search it yourself, I'm too lazy to look up the link. :P__  
_

_[2] Based of an actual fanfiction here on this site, though it is paraphrased and revised. If you are the author and would like me to take it down, kindly just PM me and say so._

_[3] Idea taken from Gabzillaz of deviantart. I suggest you check out her work, she's amazing. :)_

**Other than that, only the youtube bit was the only one that wasn't real. I hope. So sorry, SasoDei fans. ;) Not really.**

**R&R~**


	2. The Past Resurfaces

**Ah, the second chapter~! Which is thankfully much less shitty than the first one and has more descriptive narrative. The plot's still shitty though, none the less. D: I'll get around to that in the re-write.**

**Good news for you readers (or maybe not), you finally get an OC appearance in this chapter! Well, I guess not so much of appearance but more of getting some semblance that an OC actually exists in this story. Be warned, however, that she may seem mary-sue. Because at the time I wrote this she probably was one.**

**Another bit, some sense must have gone to my 10-year old brain to think up of my own original ideas for this story, so unlike before this chapter and other chapters from here on have ideas and humor that are 100% mine~! Hopefully I don't get sued for copyrights in the first chapter. :'D**

**Warning: Same warnings as first chapter, appearance of a possibly Sue-ish OC, an somewhat OOC Sasori, and some random background OC bitch who thinks Pein's gay.**

**Disclaimer: I own Naruto. Oh wait- you don't mean that swirly fishcake you put in ramen? Never mind then...**

**The Naruto series is owned by Masashi Kishimoto. I only own the fishcake I bought in the supermarket. D:**

* * *

Sasori sighed as he watched Deidara load another box out of the room. How much stuff did he have in there, anyways?

Deidara was clearing the room out on leader's orders. They didn't have another room big enough to fit even just one kunoichi, so they were going to have to share rooms with whoever they end up recruiting. Hopefully, they wouldn't be a fangirl.

"Aren't you gonna clear your side…un?" Deidara asked as he reentered the room. Sasori shook his head.

"I don't eat, sleep, nor bathe. The only thing that occupies my space is a few scrolls and some wood. You think I actually have anything to clear out?" Sasori asked the blonde sarcastically, cocking his eyebrow for effect.

"Well you could at least help me, un." Deidara growled as he loaded yet another box outside of the room.

"...No." Deidara glared at his wooden partner. Sasori sighed and stood up, simultaneously grabbing a box. He was bored anyways. Deidara's scowl turned into a proud smirk as he continued loading out more boxes with the help of Sasori.

After a while, Sasori was beginning to get irritated. He was pretty sure they'd loaded out twenty boxes already into the garage (which they had for some odd reason). He groaned as he looked back to the endless mountain of boxes. Will they ever finish this?

"Oi Sasori-danna, I'm just gonna get something to eat. See ya!" And before Sasori could even open his mouth to protest, the blonde bomber was already out of the room. A red vein throbbed on Sasori's head. Oh, he was so gonna kill that brat...

Sasori sighed and continued loading out the rest of the boxes. Hopefully, the idiot will come back soon...

**-One hour later-**

Sasori collapsed to the floor from exhaustion. For the past hour, he had been carrying back and forth boxes filled with who knows what his partner had. And speaking of the artist, he had not appeared again after leaving him alone an hour ago. When he sees that blonde bomber, he was going to mutilate him so bad he wouldn't even look human!

Sasori tried to stand up, but he could barely move an inch after all the lifting he had done. Sasori lied back down at the floor, only to be followed by a string of curses as he noticed a small box underneath Deidara's bed. Sasori's eye twitched, with a little vein popping up on his head, and he gritted his teeth as he slowly began to stand up again. He grudgingly went underneath Deidara's bed and pulled the little box out. The box was dusty and was a little open, unlike the other vacuum sealed boxes he had carried out of the room over an hour ago. Sasori could slightly see the contents of the small box and, out of curiosity; he opened the box and scanned its contents.

The box contained a few pictures, some trinkets here and there, and a statistics book of Deidara's batch in Iwagakure. Sasori raised an eyebrow at this. Why would Deidara bother to keep items about the village he betrayed? He pushed the question at the back of his head as he scanned the statistics book. He saw a few genin he didn't know, then he reached Deidara's page. He slowly scanned over the page's contents.

_"Name: Deidara, aged 12. Blood type AB. Male. Shinobi of Iwagakure. Chakra Nature: Earth. Abilities: Ninjutsu - 2.5. Taijutsu - 1.5. Genjutsu - 1. Fuuinjutsu - 1. Speed - 2. Strength - 2. Stamina - 2. Weapon Skills - 1.5."_

Sasori scanned the rest of the book, but the rest of the nin in the book didn't catch his eye. The kunoichi of his batch particularly seemed a little weak. He sighed as he thought he reached the end of the book, but a single, worn out page caught his eye. Blinking, he picked it up, and realized that it was a torn out page that was supposed to be beside Deidara's. Looking at the back of the book, he also discovered a few extra statistics pages, but didn't look like they belonged to the book. They were all about random kunoichi.

Turning back to the fallen page, he took a closer look to investigate, and was nearly shocked to find out it was just a replica of Deidara's page. Furrowing his brows, he took a closer look.

The person in the image, despite looking like Deidara, was more feminine-looking than the already effeminate blonde, like the person was really a girl. The person was also wearing a different set of clothes, and her picture looked much more recent compared to Deidara's. Confused, he scanned over the page to glean more information.

_"Name: Kaira, aged 11. Blood type AB. Female. Shinobi of Iwagakure. Chakra Nature: Earth. Abilities: Ninjutsu - 2. Taijutsu - 2. Genjutsu - 0.5. Fuuinjutsu - 1.5. Speed - 2. Strength - 1.5. Stamina - 2. Weapon Skills - 3."_

Sasori was downright speechless.

The girl was...it was as if...she was Deidara's clone herself. This "Kaira" person...if Deidara knew her, she might be of use to the Akatsuki. But of course they would need newer information about her, and that's where Deidara came in.

Looking for more information, he scanned the extra pages of the back, his smirk growing with each line he read. Perfect. If these kunoichi were still alive right now, and if Deidara had information he'd been withholding about them, they'd be of great use given their bloodlines and abilities. Sasori stood up and pocketed the book, then proceeded to carry the box to the garage, a smirk still plastered on his face.

He needed to talk to Pein, and soon.

* * *

Pein rubbed his temple, which was throbbing abnormally. As he recalled the recent events of the week, even more pain coursed through his already throbbing temple, and he was tempted to slam his head into his desk. The week's events had not worked well. He had searched for kunoichi using his paths day and night, but not a single kunoichi he met even put up a fight. They were dead in an instant, even though he was even going easy on them. He growled in frustration. He might never find any kunoichi, and the horror known as yaoi would continue to corrupt their name.

And no, Pein was not being over exaggerative. Just the day before, a challenge he had given to a kunoichi went not so well...

_**-Flashback-**_

_The girl was hitting the tree, creating large dent marks in the old trunk, but the blows were not strong enough to break the tree into half. Her long, messy black hair swished as she landed another blow to the tree. The girl then spun dramatically, and hit the trunk square with her fist with a force strong enough that it was neatly split into two._

_Said girl then sat on the ground, checking her body for any bruises or scrapes. It had been going on like this for a while. The girl would knock down at least ten or so trees, either by hitting it or sometimes using ninjutsu, then she would heal herself if she saw any injuries. Then the process would start all over again._

_Pain's path had observed that she had a great stamina and endurance, but she was weak when it came to hand-to-hand combat. He also observed that the girl had a great chakra supply, since she had been healing herself and using ninjutsu since noon. But the sun was almost about to set, and Pein's path had to act quick._

_He stepped out of the shadows just as the girl finished healing the few scrapes she had acquired, and seemed shocked when she saw Pein. Guess she wasn't so great after all._

_Pein was about to open his mouth to speak, but the girl beat him to it._

_"Hey, I know you! You're the guy who runs that gay club, Akatsuki!" she exclaimed. You can guess how long she lasted after that._

_**-End Flashback-**_

Pein shuddered. He now officially hated fandom. Another surge of pain coursed through his temple, and Pein leaned his head on the back of the chair. He still needed his rest, God or not. Pein groaned again as another surge of pain came, in which time he had already been searching his desk for an aspirin. At the moment he had grasped the tiny tablet, he heard a knock on the door.

"Enter." Pein saw the form of Sasori enter his office, and he watched him as said puppet man shifted slowly towards Pein.

"Pein-sama, I think we have solved our little problem." The smirk on the puppeteer's face said it all.

* * *

Deidara whistled a happy tune as he headed back to the Akatsuki living room. He had tricked Sasori into clearing out their room, and he got a free meal (a lot of thanks to Zetsu...don't ask). He didn't sense Sasori's chakra signature anywhere, and he had peeked in his room just for extra measure. He let a satisfied smirk creep on his face before putting his hands behind his head. As he rounded the corner, he ended up face-to-face with a fuming Sasori.

"Erm...Ohayo, Danna. Nice day today, un-" Deidara was cut off before he could even finish.

"Where the FUCK have you BEEN?" Sasori shouted at the top of his lungs. His eyes glinted dangerously, and he had the Third Kazekage in hand. Deidara slowly backed away from the fuming puppet, with said puppet stepping forward every time Deidara stepped backward.

"I've been clearing all of YOUR fucking stuff for TWO DAMN HOURS!"

"Um, Sasori no danna...? Why don't we just talk this over and-" Deidara's sentence was cut short as The Third Kazekage's fist missed him by a mere inch. The Iwagakure nin looked up with his partner, whose crazed face screamed 'Murder'.

"_SATETSU SHIGURE! _(Iron Sand: Scattered Showers)"

Large bullets of iron sand headed straight for Deidara. Deidara started to run as fast as he could, creating clay sculptures on the way. He flung them in the air and took out some of the bullets, but he couldn't stop majority of them from turning into sharp needles. Desperate for an escape, Deidara opened the nearest door and hid inside the room, which happened to be Pein's office.

The moment Deidara entered Pein's office; the sharp needles of sand stopped and dropped down to the ground, becoming sand again. The sand crept towards Sasori and started to go back within the Third Kazekage's body, as Sasori had a smirk plastered on his face.

"Mission accomplished." He muttered silently, only low enough for him to hear, and headed to the room he shared with the now terrified blonde.

* * *

Deidara took in large breaths as he slammed the door shut. He leant on the door, trying to calm himself down as he simultaneously thought of a battle plan. But his thoughts were interrupted as he heard a deep voice call his name.

"Deidara."

Deidara almost instantly slipped into a fighting stance, still a little frightened from his encounter with Sasori. His stance slightly relaxed as he realized it was only Pein. He slipped out of his fighting stance and brushed off dust from his cloak. He stood erectly as he greeted their leader.

"Pein-sama, un." Pein gave him a stern nod. He motioned for Deidara to sit on the chair which was coincidentally in front of Pein's table. Deidara sat down reluctantly, staring silently all the way at their leader. It was strange that he was summoned alone.

"I've asked you here for a very important reason. I apologize for my...unorthodox ways. But I assure you, I merely asked Sasori to _bring_ you here, not to _chase_ you here. However, either way works just as well, though I do feel responsible for your...unpleasant experience."

If it had been anyone else, Deidara would've snapped at him for having Sasori nearly kill him. But it was his superior, and Deidara had to give him the due respect by not blowing him to bits. Deidara continued to listen as Pein continued to ramble on.

"I was speaking with Sasori earlier on. He had told me about your little...mishap." Deidara gulped. Pein wasn't going to punish him for tricking Sasori, was he? I mean seriously, he was a comrade and all, but they **were** Akatsuki.

"During that time, Sasori had told me he had found something under your bed. We mean no offense at all for snooping, but you had given Sasori responsibility over your belongings." Deidara was becoming even more confused. Where was Pein going with this?

Pein stood up and went across the room. On another table on the other side, a little box was there. The same little box Sasori had found. As Pein neared his desk, bringing the box along with him, Deidara's eyes widened as he recognized the familiar item. Pein placed it on his desk, and sat back down.

"This is the item Sasori belonged to me. If you inspect it closely, it contains things and pictures of you when you were studying in the academy of Iwagakure. Remnants of the memories you had there. And if you scattered the items inside this box…" Pein paused, as if to take permission from Deidara, to which Deidara gave a stiff nod. Pein continued to scatter the items inside the box, and when laid out, the statistics book Sasori had read earlier was there.

"These are all from your village, Iwagakure. The village _you_ betrayed." To Deidara, Pein seemed to have put an emphasis on the word you, at which Deidara slightly flinched at, but was not escaped by Pein's Rinnegan.

"Now as a missing-nin, one wouldn't usually keep remnants, or even memories, of the village they betrayed. But strangely, you have kept these all with you up to this point of time. May I ask you why?"

Deidara met Pein's eyes head on. Blue clashed with ringed purple, and Deidara shivered a little. Like the Byakugan and Sharingan, Deidara felt as if Pein's eyes were trying to read every move he made, to uncover every hidden meaning in his words. Like they were trying to read _him_.

"You don't have to answer if you feel uncomfortable." Pein's eyes never left Deidara as he said this, but Deidara felt as if he had no choice but to oblige.

"The items…remind me of some colleagues I went to the academy with. They were like….family to me, un." Deidara spoke hesitantly, slowly choosing the right words to say. Pein's eyebrows rose barely, too small to be seen by Deidara, but it did. Pein wondered at Deidara's choice of words. Family, huh?

"They were very close to you, I assume?" Pein had rested his head on his hands, which were interlocked together with his elbows propped up on his desk.

Deidara's mood brightened up a little at this, and small smile was on his face. "We were very close, un."

"Alright. You know a lot of people in Iwagakure, correct?" Pein asked, suddenly changing the topic. Deidara was surprised with the sudden change. He paused for a moment before giving Pein his answer.

"Yeah, I guess, un…"

A screen suddenly flickered to life behind Pein, slightly catching Deidara off-guard. The screen showed static for a while, and then became a blank screen.

Deidara became confused again, opening his mouth to speak, but Pein beat him to it.

"You see, I have been tracking down and researching kunoichi for the past week non-stop, and I had received reports on several capable kunoichi that could solve our problems. But there's a catch."

Deidara's eyebrow's furrowed in confusion. They already had info on the kunoichi; all they had to do was capture them. And why would Pein only call for him? If it was for the kunoichi, shouldn't Pein have called on a meeting with everyone? Deidara was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Pein talking to him again.

"All the reports I had received about these kunoichi were excellent, but they were reports when they were genin, which is a few years back. Fortunately for us, all the kunoichi seem to reside in or nearby Iwagakure. And even more, they're of your age Deidara." Pein stated simply, waiting for the silent bomber's reply.

"So what you're saying is….I just have to identify….these chicks that might join the Akatsuki, un?" Deidara was becoming even more confused. What the hell was Pein talking about?

"Not quite, Deidara. A bit like that, but much more complicated." A smirk slowly formed on Pein's pierced face, and for the second time that day, Deidara feared for his life.

* * *

**A note to all previous readers of this fic: If you've been receiving updates from this story, forgive me for the confusion. All I'm really doing is adding Author's Notes to explain some stuff in here that I failed to note previously. Though, I do make some minor edits with how I wrote the story, like if you notice I changed the format of the statistics and corrected the punctuation. If you thought I was rewriting this and rushed here but was disappointed, then sorry for the confusion. ^^;**

**R&R.**


	3. Target Within Sights

**Hello again! Moonlight here, redoing all the Author's Notes of my previous chapters and making some _minor_ edits in the story. We finally see someone else other than Sasori and Deidara in this chapter~**

**I hope I didn't mess up Zetsu's character, since this was the first time I ever wrote him. And that was a long time ago. D: Fun fact, I've noticed that some author's seem to mistake which of Zetsu's sides is which and have switched around the personalities of Black and White Zetsu. Tobi is also here, of course, but I regret to say that this is Fanon!Tobi. You know, the one the talks in third person and is generally an idiot.**

**Also, we finally see an actual OC in this chapter! Not just some picture in a statistics book. And there's a fight scene too, which from what I reread I guess I didn't mess it up _too_ bad. But some parts may be confusing. Also, when I write jutsu I tend to write the translation (Japanese-English) with them in italics, since I'd rather still stick to canon, despite how crack-ish this fic is.**

**Warning: Same warnings as first chapter, Fanon!Tobi, different font types for Zetsu, (slightly sue-ish) OC appearance, slightly messy fight scenes, general OOCness, and what can be perceived as the development of something akin to a plot in this fic. Pfft, as if.**

**Disclaimer: I was signing the contracts for ownership of Naruto and merchandise, but then I took an arrow to the knee.**

* * *

Two hooded figures traveled a long and narrow dirt path, walking in silence. They continued on aimlessly, not seeming to have a care where they end up, their black cloaks swishing in the wind. Suddenly, the larger of the two stopped and started to mutter to no one in particular. Then his mutterings started to grow louder and louder until he was screaming into the air.

"**But Leader-sama, you _know_ that we're not a fighting type! And Tobi wouldn't be any help, either!**" A scratchy voice snarled at the air. There was a slight pause, and then he started to speak again.

"…..It's not like we have a choice. We'll do it." A clearer, more stable voice replied to an unheard order, groaning simultaneously, and there was another pause, longer this time. The other hooded figure, Tobi, waited for the first one patiently, as if he had all the time in the world.

"Hai." The hooded figure stopped looking at the empty space a foot above him and stared at his idiotic partner, who was humming a little song. Tobi noticed the figure staring at him, and then abruptly stopped humming.

"Zetsu-sempai, what's wrong?" Tobi asked Zetsu, the aforementioned hooded figure, who was removing the hood off of his face. His plant-like leaves stood erectly, slightly blocking part of his face, and then he replied to Tobi.

"Leader-sama sent us on a tracking and retrieval mission." Zetsu stated bluntly, and Tobi looked even more confused. Well, as confused as you can look behind an orange mask.

"Nani? But Zetsu-sempai, we don't know how to catch jinchuuriki! And if we did try to fight, you and I will be dead for sure!" Tobi pointed at himself and Zetsu for emphasis, clearly worried and confused, whilst Zetsu continued to stare blankly at him, thinking the same thing.

"I know. And we're not looking for jinchuuriki. We're looking for a kunoichi." Tobi was quiet for a few seconds, and then spoke.

"EEW! ZETSU-SEMPAI, GIRLS HAVE COOTIES!" Tobi shrieked at the plant-like man, who was trying very hard not to slap his head at Tobi's idiocy, as said masked man settled into a fetal position and shuddered.

"**Baka! How many times do we have to fucking tell you cooties don't exist?**" Zetsu's black side answered, his scratchy voice screaming at Tobi.

After a few minutes of the two screaming, Tobi about why he wouldn't go near girls, Zetsu's black side insulting- I mean, scolding him and his white side screaming at the black side to stop, Zetsu had finally convinced Tobi to go near girls.

"ThankyYou, Zetsu-sempai! With this leaf you gave me, it'll be sure I won't get cooties!" Tobi grinned happily at Zetsu while he held up his alleged "anti-cooties" coconut tree leaf proudly, complete with Gai's 'good guy' pose, while Zetsu stayed quiet.

"**It's fucking worth it; it's fucking worth it…**" His black side continued to mutter to himself and his white side, who was silently sobbing uncontrollably.

"My precious coconut tree..." Zetsu's white side moaned.

* * *

"Alright Tobi, now that you're _finally _over your little 'cooties' problem…", Zetsu's left eye twitched, as he was still mourning for the loss of his coconut tree leaf, which Tobi was currently cuddling like a little baby.

"…we can finally discuss about the mission at hand." Tobi stopped cradling the leaf and stared at Zetsu for a moment, then put aside the leaf into his cloak pocket. His face (or what you could see of it behind his mask) turned into a serious one as he continued listening to Zetsu.

"**This place is in the open. We might get spied on by enemy nins.**" Zetsu's black side mentioned hoarsely to the white side, who agreed.

"Hai. We need to discuss this somewhere private." They started searching for a place to stay, and as if by chance, a little tea house came into their view. Zetsu was a little suspicious about this, but he and Tobi headed towards it anyway, with him subtly pulling the hood back over his head.

The minute they entered the tea house, a petite-looking girl greeted them. She had narrow, yet soft, pale eyes, with her long black hair going a little past her shoulders. Her long green kimono hung around her loosely, which fell slightly every now and then, only to be fixed again by the girl.

"Ohayo Godaimasu. I'll be your waitress for today. Table for how many?" the girl asked Tobi, who happily held up two fingers.

"Two, please!" The girl led them towards a secluded table, took their orders, and left without another word. The minute the girl left, Zetsu did a quick check-up of his surroundings. It was strange that they were the only people there.

Zetsu then did some quick math on their location. If they had headed 500 km northeast away from their base, they'd be roughly a few km parallel to the outskirts of Konohagakure, and a little near to the Earth Country, where they were currently headed to. The area they were in was a place that often used as travel route by many civilians. It was very _very_ suspicious that a teashop would be as empty as this.

Zetsu was snapped out of his thoughts when the waitress came back with their tea. She placed dango on Tobi's side of the table and roasted barbeque on his side, and then placed their tea on the table. She then bowed and quickly left with not another word again.

"The mission details are simple, Tobi. We are to capture a kunoichi around the age of fifteen to sixteen, at the rank of jounin, who specializes in infiltration and usually uses ninjutsu. We are to engage in battle if the situation deems necessary, and bring her back alive and unharmed." Tobi nodded as he continued to eat his dango, taking a sip of tea every other bite (which, miraculously, he was still able to do while keeping his mask on). **  
**

"**Leader-sama didn't give out other information about her, unfortunately, but he was able to show me some pictures of her, courtesy of Deidara.**" Zetsu's black side snickered, and Tobi tilted his head in confusion, but Zetsu's white side just told Tobi to ignore it.

Zetsu did a few hand signs and muttered a few words, and then a bluish portal-like circle appeared in front of Tobi, just small enough to go unnoticed by the waitress. The portal like circle showed Tobi a black haired little girl in a white kimono was shown with her hair tied up into a bun, her bangs falling slightly as their ends were just pinned to the bun.

"Ano, Zetsu-sempai, isn't she too young to be sixteen?" Tobi asked the plant-like man.

"Hai. Unfortunately for us, Pein didn't possess any recent photos of the kunoichi, so we'll just have to make do with this." Zetsu replied to Tobi, who just nodded his head. Tobi leaned forward and looked at the image more closely.

"Hmm….she seems familiar…" Tobi mumbled to no one in particular.

"Your bill, sir." Tobi was snapped out of his thoughts as the portal disappeared as the waitress placed the piece of paper on the table, not seeming to notice it, after which Zetsu fumbled in his cloak and took out some yen. He then placed it on the table and promptly stood up.

"We have to go, Tobi." Tobi shoved the rest of his food into his mouth, including Zetsu's untouched barbeque, and stood to leave, when he suddenly doubled over coughing. Zetsu rushed towards Tobi to see what was wrong, when he was forced to retreat back to dodge a couple of thrown senbon. Zetsu looked up to see the waitress holding Tobi down with her arm extended out, an indication that she had thrown the needles.

The waitress, as he just noticed now, was no longer in her loose green kimono, but in a sleeveless white kimono that just reached a few inches above her knees. It was decorated with gold fabric at its ends and fit her perfectly compared to the first kimono. There were bandages on her left thigh which reached a little past her knee, and on her right were leggings that reached 5 inches above her ankle. Long golden bracelets were each on her arms, extending at least 5 inches below her wrists. Instead of the wooden sandals she had worn just a little while ago, the standard ninja shoes covered her feet.

The waitress put her foot of off Tobi, who proceeded to throw up on the ground while lying down, covering his own mask in puke. Zetsu looked in shock as Tobi continued to flood the floor with puke, which only stopped a minute after he groaned and blacked out.

"I couldn't help but overhear you two. You're looking for this kunoichi, correct?" She held up the picture that Tobi had been examining just awhile ago, an exact duplicate of the image on paper, and Zetsu looked at her in shock.

"**How the hell did you have her-**" Zetsu's black side was interrupted by her giggling lightly, which irritated Zetsu to no end.

"**What the hell are you laughing about?**" Zetsu's black side growled at the girl, who had already stopped laughing. She gave him a sigh, grabbed her long black hair. She proceeded to tie her hair up into a bun at the back of her head, putting her highlighted brown bangs behind her ears and together with the rest of her hair. Zetsu's mouth gaped at her. Now he knew why she looked so familiar!

"You still don't recognize me?" She asked him, her voice devoid of emotion. Standing right in front of Zetsu, was the target they were looking for.

"As a matter-of-fact, I do." Zetsu growled, looking at Tobi, quietly observing his symptoms, "So, you knew our intentions from the start and plotted to poison us, huh? No wonder Leader-sama requests for you." Zetsu continued. The girl's eye grew a millimeter wider when she heard Zetsu's last sentence, but she was still able to keep her impassive face.

"You're going to have to come with us girlie. We won't hesitate to use lethal force on you, so I suggest you obey." The girl's eyebrow raised as her lips curled into a smirk.

"I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon." And with that, a large gust of wind, coming from the waitress' mouth, suddenly blew Zetsu off his feet and crashed him into the walls, which caused a commotion loud enough to rival one of Deidara's bombs. It was silent for a few moments, and the girl moved forward to check the corpse, deeming the place safe.

"Well, that was a little easy. Quite disappointing, but easy. A little too easy…" The minute she had finished speaking , the earth beneath her rumbled, and a black hand shot up, grabbing her left leg. The hand then proceeded to throw the shocked kunoichi towards the upright remains of the small tea house, which collapsed the second her petite form collided with it.

"Urgh…" The girl groaned, clutching her leg painfully. She glared at Zetsu, who had just emerged from where the hand had just been.

_'Damn, he caught me off guard.'_ She thought, wincing as her leg throbbed slightly, but it was numb enough to be ignored. She kept on her impassive face as she clutched her leg, with Zetsu staring at her emotionlessly as well. She got up into a sitting position, one leg on the ground while the other she used to sit on.

Two white fans slipped out of the bracelets on her wrists, which opened with a simple flick of her hands. A gold dragon was sewn on a side of both of the fans, delicately intertwining with the fan's white cloth. The girl then suddenly jumped backwards, holding the fans in a crossed position with her arms. The edges of the fans glowed bright blue, shaping into a blade-like figure, and then the girl threw them at Zetsu with full force.

"_Ninpou: Chakura Sensu Ha!_ (Ninja Art: Chakra Fan Blade)"

Zetsu merged back into the ground just in time for him to narrowly dodge the white fans, which were spinning uncontrollably, surrounded by the blue glow that was most likely chakra, but the chakra blades were able to snag a bit of the plant-like leaves on Zetsu's head, causing him to wince slightly.

The spinning fans returned to the girl just as she jumped a tree, the chakra blades retreating just in time to prevent harming the girl's outstretched hands. She scanned the ground below her, looking for any indication of the plant-like man.

Green leaves suddenly grew out of the tree's bark, only a few feet above the girl. The leaves quickly kept on extending, revealing Zetsu's face hidden amongst the two leaves. The minute the girl had sensed this and turned around to attack, Zetsu had already fully emerged from the tree bark and had launched himself at the girl, his Venus fly trap-like leaves fully outstretched and ready to devour the girl.

The girl's eyes widened, shock immobilizing her for a few seconds, and then she performed a few hand signs. The minute Zetsu's fly trap touched her body; she disappeared without leaving a trace, not even a poof of smoke. Zetsu's quick reflexes acted and landed him successfully on the branch, although he was at the edge and about to fall off.

Zetsu's eyes closed for a bit, trying to sense her chakra, but there was nothing within the 5 mile radius. "Damn, she got away..." Zetsu muttered, his non-existent eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Then with a soft thud, Zetsu landed on the ground and approached his still passed out partner. Zetsu bent over to wake Tobi up, a gush of wind making his cloak swish. A familiar chakra signature was suddenly behind him.

"_Futon: Ni Bai No Kaze Ogama Jutsu!_ (Wind Style: Double Wind Scythe Jutsu)" Zetsu felt a pang of pain on the back of his chest as two sharp gusts of wind hit him dead on, throwing him off at least ten feet backward.

The girl rushed forward, closing the fans and flicking it in a different way, making poisoned senbon shoot out from the holes on each metal stick of the fan, doubling the fan as a knife. She pushed chakra into her feet, accelerating her speed as she raised her arm to attack as Zetsu's helpless form groaned on top of the debris.

"This should finish you off!" Her impassive face was replaced by her smirking expression as her fan-turned-senbon knife struck flesh. But that smirk turned into shock when she saw what she had stabbed. It wasn't the plant-like man that tried to eat her, but instead a deformed, white clone of the man, minus the fly trap. The girl tried to grab her fan out of the clone's chest, but her arm wouldn't budge. She tried to move her body, but it wouldn't comply to her will. She looked down on her legs and arms and saw that they were covered with small, coarse grains. Her eyes widened when she realized what was covering her.

"Hehe…I was wondering when my _Hoshi no Jutsu_ (Spore Technique) would take effect. Those spores should cover you up nicely." Zetsu chuckled as the girl tried struggle out of the spores' grasp.

"Don't bother. My jutsu's inescapable. I told you, you were gonna have to come with me." The girl still tried to struggle, even though the spores already covered up to her chest. Zetsu sighed and put a hand inside his cloak, taking out a blank and empty scroll. The girl glared at Zetsu, already knowing what he fully intended to do.

"The spores haven't covered you entirely yet. I'll have to wait." Zetsu growled, and then looked over at his orange mask-wearing partner once more. He sighed, and then proceeded to groaned to his white side.

"**Can't we just leave him here?**" His black side groaned as he simultaneously glared at the unconscious form of Tobi.

"Sir Leader will kill us if we leave him here, no matter how annoying he is. Besides, he _still_ has our cocunut tree leaf." Zetsu's white side argued with him.

"**…Fine.**" The black side grumbled, and the white side just grinned slightly as they approached Tobi. Tobi was sprawled out on the ground, looking a little like a flat pancake.

"**Oi, idiot, wake up.**" Zetsu's black side growled at Tobi, poking him repeatedly with a stick on the head. "**Oi!**" After a few more minutes of poking and insulting Tobi, Zetsu finally managed to wake up the orange-masked man.

"_Yawn_. That was a nice nap, ne, Zetsu-sempai?" Tobi innocently asked Zetsu, who's eye twitched in frustration.

"**YOU WERE ASLEEP THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME?**" Zetsu growled at the oblivious Tobi, who dumbly nodded his head. "**WHY I OUTTA-**" Zetsu was interrupted by the sound of the spore hardening, and looked over to the girl to see her entire body trapped in spore, save for her face. Smirking slightly, he walked away from a confused Tobi and started to seal the spore trap into the scroll.

As she felt herself being locked away in a dark and small box, the girl smirked inwardly to herself, unknown to the two as she kept her struggling expression on her face.

_'Mission accomplished.'_ She thought to herself as she thought of the plant man, Zetsu was it?, who had no idea who they had captured and why she let them capture her.

* * *

"Eh, Zetsu-sempai, what was the name of the girl any ways?" Tobi asked Zetsu, who was walking side by side with him on the narrow dirt path. They were heading back to the base, all the while taking their time as they leisurely walked through a village, hoods on their heads.

"Hmm? Oh her." Zetsu showed Tobi the unmarked yet filled scroll for further emphasis, "I think I have her name somewhere here…" Zetsu handed the scroll to Tobi, who held it with glee, as he fumbled in his cloak once more. Grabbing the scroll back from Tobi and placing it in his cloak, he opened the faded, little yellow book, searching the pages furiously. He stopped at a certain page and handed the picture to Tobi.

The picture was faded out, and Tobi could barely see the girl on the picture, but he was pretty sure it was the picture the girl they captured had shown them earlier. The writing was faded out as the pages were already a deep yellow, but Tobi was still able to make out some words.

In faded, bold kanji, the name _**Tsuchi**_ was neatly scrawled onto the top of the page, the picture of said girl's eyes looking at them, as if glaring accusingly.**  
**

* * *

**So...I wrote down a Fanon!Tobi who can somehow miraculously survive poison, made my OC look like an all-knowing Mary-Sue bitch, made Zetsu kinda OOC (which was how I wrote all the Akatsuki before, apparently), and added some stupid "I got myself captured" cliche bit at the end from Tsuchi just to put a cliff-hanger in this stupid thing.**

**...**

**WHATHAVEIDONE.**

**Curse my ten-year old self. I shall never forgive you.**

**R&R.**

**(Also, just to note some minor changes that I did: made Black Zetsu's dialogue in bold, italicized the romaji of the jutsu names, changed the ending bit and changed the name of the OC to her actual title name).**


	4. An Unhappy Reunion

**Fun fact that I just remembered: OCs are actually supposed to be called FCs, or "Fan Characters" (not fan clubs, mind you) since, according to Wikipedia's definition of these two terms, OCs or Original Characters are characters who have their own universe, or to put it in layman's term, are made for an original story you made yourself (not to be inserted into already existing fandoms such as Naruto). FCs or Fan Characters on the other hand are made to be inserted into an already existing universe or fandom, which in our case is Naruto. It's why they're called "FAN" characters.**

**Despite that, for some odd reason everyone on the internet (and mostly deviantart) refer to them as "OCs" when the proper term should really be "FCs". I myself don't really have a preference as to how I'd call them, but to avoid confusion I usually call them OCs cause usually everyone associates them with that term.**

**Ahem. Moving on.**

**This has to be my favorite chapter so far since it gets the semblance of a plot, surprisingly. And it's the most well-written, but in this story's case that doesn't really mean a lot.**

**More characters also appear in this chapter! I'm so glad that I finally got to write Kakuzu and Hidan in this chapter. Though, I guess I didn't really write Hidan as much as having Kakuzu bad-mouth about him. Oh, that silly Zombie Duo~**

**There are also various mentions of other non-Akatsuki characters, feel free to try and guess who they are. XD A cookie to whoever can guess it right. And of course, the usual OOC-ness (sadly, I have long since accepted the fact that my ten year old self was incapable of writing anyone without making them completely go out of character), but surprisingly I'm able to dial it down only until the end parts. Probably to insert some form of humor in this slightly angst/dark chapter.**

**Speaking of which, I'll have yo warn you guys on exactly just "_how_" dark it is. Well, I wouldn't say it's a complete angst fic, cause I wasn't capable of writing those then and I'm barely capable of writing those now. But mind you, there will be..._small_..."hints" at character torture. *coughsadomasochismcough* So if you can't stand I suggest you just skip to the funny parts. If there are any.**

**Warning: Same warnings as first chapter. Character torture, dark themes, small OOCness at the end, Sue-ish 'all-knowingness' from OC. And spandex-wearing duos.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do no own Naruto. Santa wasn't able to fit him inside my Christmas stocking last year.**

* * *

Deidara shifted nervously, his hands twitching, as he stood beside Pein. Currently, they were standing inside of Amegakure's highest tower, where Pein usually observed Amegakure on rainy days, which basically was every day.

It was Deidara's first time coming here, and the metallic room, pounding rain, and Pein's silence didn't help with his nervousness. Nope, not one bit at all, especially Pein. He had been staring out of the room, his eyes focused on the rain for the past twenty minutes. Deidara had thought of nudging him to see if he would move, but decided against it for the best. He sighed again, fidgeting with his hands as Pein still continued to stare out of the room.

After a few more minutes, Pein's eyes lost the glazed look on them and he finally moved to turn around and face Deidara, staring at the blond bomber intently.

"Zetsu has arrived." He told him emotionlessly, his eyes unreadable as he relayed the information to Deidara. Deidara mentally sighed relief that Pein had moved, then looked straight at Pein to return his emotionless look.

"Hai, Leader-sama." Without another word spoken, and as if on cue, green leaves emerged from the metallic floor, and Zetsu appeared in front of them.

"Report, Zetsu." Pein's monotonous voice filled the room as he and Deidara looked at Zetsu.

"Mission successful, target captured. No fatal injuries attained whatsoever." Zetsu replied back just as emotionlessly, looking back at Pein.

After a pause or two, his hands shuffled for awhile in his cloak before bringing out an average sized scroll. Pein took it from him wordlessly, and then proceeded to open it. Deidara watched him in mild curiosity as Pein instinctively bit his thumb and smudged the blood on the seal written on the scroll.

A poof of smoke appeared in front of all of them, only to be replaced by a mound of spore. Deidara sent Zetsu a questioning look, but Zetsu just shook his head as he did a few hand seals. Slowly the spores started disappearing grain by grain, flying into the wind and dissolving in the rain. The more spore that disappeared, the more visible was the human-like figure apparently trapped inside the spore cocoon.

The last of the spore finally disappeared, with only a few remaining, and a black-haired girl was kneeling in front of them. Her medium-length hair covered her face, which was apparently coughing out the spores she inhaled. Her short and pure white kimono was now yellowish and dirty, with her hands and legs bound by the remaining spores that covered her wrists and ankles like chains. Deidara's eyes widened in as he recognized the familiar figure. Silence continued to fill the room, with the girl's raspy breath every now and then, as Deidara continued to gape at her.

"Tsuchi…un?" Said girl's head snapped up so fast at the mention of her name she could've sworn she heard a crack somewhere. Pale, green tinted eyes met with blue eyes filled with shock and disbelief. She gaped at the blond, cloaked man standing before her, with his ponytail and all.

Hesitantly, she opened her mouth to speak, with no words coming out. After a few more minutes of what seemed like fish talk, her voice finally worked, "Deidara-san?"

Zetsu looked at the two silent, gaping figures, and then sent his own questioning look to Pein, but Pein gave him a look that told him to keep quiet. Then the orange haired man's eyes looked over to the two, and he opened his mouth to speak.

"It seems like you two know each other." He chuckled an empty laugh softly, and the two's eyes snapped to him.

"Leader-sama, you..." Deidara trailed off, not really knowing what to say. Pein chuckled an empty laugh again, and then switched his gaze to Deidara.

"Sent Zetsu to search for this friend of yours? Yes, I did." He chuckled the same laugh yet again, then looked back again at Tsuchi, who was staring at him intently. She said nothing; merely meeting Pein's ringed eyes, her own eyes containing an unreadable expression in them. After a few more moments of silence, she finally spoke.

"So you're the infamous Leader who, apparently ordered him to capture me." She said emotionlessly, her tone, eyes and face still unreadable. She nudged her head in Zetsu's direction for emphasis, then stared back at Pein.

"Very observant of you. Though, I would've thought that fact would've been obvious already." Pein chuckled yet again, yet there was no emotion on his face. His eyes matched that of Tseuchi's, unreadable, as they lapsed into silence yet again.

"From what I see, you are the Leader of Akatsuki, also the rumored leader of Amegakure, and a wielder of the legendary..." She trailed off slightly, struggling for the right word. "...Rinnegan, correct?" Tseuchi asked, her voice never showing the barest hint of emotion. Pein's eyes widened by a millimeter, before going back into their original state.

"The quantity of information you get from mere observation and analysis is extraordinary. But of course, I expect nothing more from a recruit." At this, her eyes widened, and so did everyone else's in the room. Deidara's eyes snapped to Pein, confused and bewildered.

"Recruit? What the hell are you talking about, un?" Deidara snapped at his Leader. He flinched mentally when he realized what he had done, but his face didn't change a bit. Zetsu's eyes were now questioning the orange haired man, looking like he was ready to give a retort at any second.

"What I am speaking of, Deidara-_kohai_," Deidara flinched, literally, as he was reminded of his blunder again. He was so dead.

"Is that she, along with four others, will be joining us as the Akatsuki's full time medics and…erm…Yaoi solution." Pein spoke monotonously, but his façade was ruined by the last part. Zetsu visibly twitched at the reminder of Yaoi, while Tseuchi sent Pein and Deidara a confused look. Deidara just shook his head at her. Then it suddenly hit him.

'_Four others…_' His mind suddenly flashed back to the memories he'd thought he'd long left back in Iwa, his mind becoming more and more blank the more memories he remembered. He paled at the thought of meeting them again…

"Of course, that is if she agrees…" Pein continued, snapping Deidara out of his thoughts, and looked at Tsuchi.

The girl pondered it long and hard, a hard expression on her face. Her eyebrows furrowed as she bit her lip, thinking deeply of what to do. A glazed look was on her eyes as they darted all over the room, and visibly softened when they landed on Deidara. She put her gaze back on Pein, a fierce determination on her eyes. She opened her mouth, and gave him his short answer.

"No." The room's tension suddenly went up, with the temperature suddenly dropping. Tsuchi and Pein locked gazes once more that day, trying to stare each other down with their determined will. After tense moments of staring, Pein looked away, closing his eyes.

"I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice." Pein's eyes opened once more, and before anyone could register what happened, Pein had Deidara's hands behind his back, kneeling down, while he pressed an iron rod firmly to the blond's neck. Deidara's eyes widened as he realized the danger he was in, as Tseuchi's showed utter fear and horror.

"Leader-sama, what are you doing-!" Zetsu's scream was cut off by a narrowly missed iron rod, the one Pein had held previously before. The orange haired man gazed back at Tseuchi, who was frozen in shock, before anger decorated her features. He lowered his hand for a moment as another iron rod came out, then raised it again back to Deidara's neck.

"If you do not accept our terms and join our organization…" Pein started, locking his monotonous eyes firmly with Tseuchi's angry ones. He pressed the rod a bit further on Deidara's neck, breaking the skin and letting a little blood seep through. "I'll slit his throat and kill him."

Silence filled the room again, but unlike the first comfortable silences, it contained tension and stress from the horrifying moment. Tseuchi, who was still bounded by the spore chains, stared at Deidara with fear evident in her eyes. Her mind was racing at all the possible scenarios in reaction with her answers, each one being ineffective with the current situation.

'_I can't fight the bastard, even without the chains, just being leader of Akatsuki is enough information to know his going to win over me…' _She thought to herself as her eyes looked over Pein, letting a little fear engulf her.

'_But I never did like my village either…and being a part of Akatsuki has its advantages….'_ Another part of herself argued with her, and Tseuchi was filled with even more disbelief than before.

'_Not to mention the predicament Deidara-san's in right now….But if my guess is right, that bastard is talking about the rest of us…' _ She let out an unintended growl, which surprised all of those present in the room, including herself. Her mind was a completer useless blank as she watched Pein push the rod deeper into the blonde bomber's throat. As she watched the red liquid ooze even more out of the Deidara's neck, something in her mind seemed to snap and click together.

_'Would he seriously even kill one of his own members?'_ She thought desperately, mind racing a mile a minute. Then realization suddenly hit her.

'_But what if we….That's it!" _She rejoiced mentally as the plan formulated into her head. She finally looked up and faced Pein square in the eye; a smirk forming itself on her face, making the latter's emotionless façade falter slightly in confusion.

"I'll agree on _your_ proposal…." She started, putting emphasis on the word 'your', making Pein's confusion increase even more, even if he didn't show it. "On one condition…" The smirk on her face grew larger as she saw Pein's face harden back into emotionless state, the orange haired man's mouth opening to speak.

"And that condition would be...?" Pein questioned the bounded girl, his monotonous voice doing nothing to hide his curiosity. Tseuchi was practically screaming in joy mentally as she listened to Pein.

'_Perfect…'_ She thought as she told Pein her conditions, watching as the man's face faltered with every word.

* * *

Kakuzu sighed as he headed out of his room and into the kitchen, wiping the blood off his room.

"Goddamned Jashinist…" He growled opening the kitchen's cabinet, searching for a recent and legible newspaper. His body relaxed as he grasped the familiar piece of paper. Dragging a chair back, he lazily read the paper as he grabbed a coffee mug left to cool on the table, which was carefully labeled in big letters on the front; I'M DA LEADER.

His eyes didn't leave the newspaper as he heard light footsteps come into the room, the owner of said footsteps fidgeting slightly. He didn't bother to look up, sipping his coffee as he heard the person open the fridge, most likely looking for something to eat.

His eyes glazed over her as he saw her grab a worn down milk carton, which looked like it had seen better days before today.

"Don't drink from the carton." The girl whipped her head around and looked at him, her face containing poorly hidden disgust.

"And why in the world would I drink from _this_?" She held up the milk carton for emphasis, holding it at arm's length away from herself, further emphasizing her disgust. "It's _expired_."

Kakuzu just sighed, giving the girl a stern look. "So?" Was his casual reply. The girl gaped at him in shock, before shaking her head and putting the expired milk carton into the fridge, muttering "Men..."

She moved away from the fridge, opting to seat at the opposite side of the table from him. She faltered as her foot stepped on her newly issued cloak, stopping herself in time before tripping.

"Stupid cloak, it's way too long..." She grumbled, removing the cloak and hanging it on her chair. She dragged the chair back the same way he did, sitting on it leisurely.

Kakuzu sighed before sipping the coffee yet again, his eyes glazing over some news about some green jump suited, bowl hair cutted idiots terrorizing the citizens of Konoha…Then it suddenly hit him. A black haired girl, in an _Akatsuki_ cloak….

Kakuzu spit out the coffee he was drinking, unfortunately spitting it all over on a picture of a certain sensei and student from Konoha. He stood up abruptly as the girl looked at him in surprise, eyes glazing a bit to the discarded newspaper on the table.

"Who the _hell_ are you?" Kakuzu barked, his voice a little wheezy from recently spitting out his coffee. The girl looked at him in mild surprise, amusement hidden in her eyes.

"My name is Tsuchi." She said a matter-of-factly, lazily looking at Kakuzu, a smirk threatening to creep on her face. It was Kakuzu's turn to gape at her, looking at the black haired girl in disbelief.

"How the hell did you get in here?" He bellowed at her. Tseuchi's amused face faltered, her smirk turning into a scowl.

"You should ask your _leader_ about that." She spat out the word 'leader' venomously, as if it was an insult. At her statement, it hit Kakuzu yet _again_. He remembered the not-so-recent meeting they had held, with fortunately, all members present. He shuddered involuntarily as he remembered the disgusting yaoi fan art.

He suddenly recomposed himself, standing straightly as he put his mask over his stitched face, brushing non-existent dust away from his shoulders. He coughed slightly, restoring his voice to his original state.

"You're the new recruit?" He asked her.

"Obviously." She scoffed at the man's obliviousness. "I don't mean to offend, but are you senile?" She asked him, the amused smirk back on her features. Kakuzu twitched at her words.

"Why you little-!" Kakuzu growled, his body shifting to a slight couch, knees bent as he prepared to lunge at the girl, but was interrupted when Pein entered the room. Kakuzu straightened himself yet again, as Tsuchi's face was wiped away from all emotion. Pein gave both of them a questioning glance, but just shook his head.

"Tsuchi-san, I will accompany you to your room with your belongings, and we will discuss of your terms." He stated shortly, his voice devoid of any emotion. Without another word, he turned around and left the room.

Kakuzu stared at Tsuchi for a moment, watching the girl as she grudgingly stood up from her chair. With a sigh, she grabbed her cloak and left the room. Kakuzu glanced at the door from where she went, and shook his head, sighing as he headed out of the room.

"I wonder who's gonna knock her up…" Kakuzu thought out loud, a little bemused. On another not-so-far part of the base, a certain girl tripped when she heard his words.

Pein sighed as he walked down the hall, rubbing his throbbing temple. That girl was trouble, a whole lot of trouble. And with that deal of hers….Pein just shook his head, as if he was shaking the thoughts out of his mind.

"A little coffee will calm me…" He breathed, entering the kitchen. As he looked over to the table, where he had left his coffee, Pein stopped short. A coffee mug was lying sideways on the table, all of it's contents gone.

"WHO THE HELL DRANK MY DAMN COFFEE?"

* * *

**And thus this horribly plotless, crappy and cringe-worthy story comes to an end. And so does my Author's Notes editing. :'D**

**I will _probably_ edit this entire story too if I have time, since the plot itself (or whatever semblance it has here) confuses me. And _I_ was the one who wrote this thing.**

**I wouldn't bother going to the last chapter if I were you, since that's just the Author's Note that says I'm discontinuing this story, and will probably (hopefully) rewrite it someday.**

**However, I have been thinking for a while to make another revision of this besides the actual rewrite...I've been thinking of maybe making an actually intended to be crack story that has the same storyline as this, basically. Maybe. You never know.**

**Thoughts?**

**R&&.**


	5. Author's Note

***Sigh* I promised myself I wouldn't do something like this if I ever got my own story. Damnit. I guess promises were meant to be broken, huh?**

**Yo guys! Sorry I haven't updated in like months, but I really have lost interest in this. It's not that I don't like my story; I just don't like how I wrote it. I mean, did you see my first chapters. EPIC. FAIL. I've been rereading them over and over again, and I really think I should change them. Why?**

**You guys really didn't think I did nothing while I didn't update, right? (Well…..) I think I kinda did something. In my opinion, I really think my writing style has improved, and when I reread my past chapters….I just can't continue them like that. They're too off base, random, and unexplained. And that's what I hate most in stories.**

**So I've concluded what I'm going to do to three things. I'm either going to:**

**a) Continue my story like nothing's wrong. This is a really, really, bad choice. I can see my story going downhill from that, and I'd rather not feed crap to my readers. :|**

**b) Rewrite my story. It's gonna take up a lot of time and work, but I'll be willing to do it ASAP if you guys are willing to wait for it. I'm already on summer break, so I'll have loads of time for this. And don't worry; I won't delete the "Akatsuki Kunoichi?" just yet. Or…**

**c) I completely delete "Akatsuki Kunoichi?" and don't restart it for a few months (or years, whatever comes first…). I really doubt that I'd do this. I don't like my story's current state right now, but I'm leaning towards b) since I don't think I'd be doing this unless really, really, desperate. Though if, based on your opinion, my story is shit, I will delete this with no second thoughts.**

**If you haven't guessed it yet from the choices, I want you guys to decide what I'm doing with the story. Very few actually read it, and I've memorized those who do from those who review. I really doubt someone who doesn't review reads it, but if someone like that does exist, it is very, VERY crucial for you to review now. **

**Say your choice in the review, and if possible, also stating why you picked that choice. The choice with the most votes is what I'll go with, so this story depends on all you folks out there now. In the meantime, I might make some new stories while I wait, so check out those, too.**

**And, you guys know there are 5 OCs, plus the winning OC of the contest, right? Well, me and K.T. (She's such an awesome friend! ) have talked it over, and with her help, I've decided that we should improve the contest a bit. I don't really like the thought of picking out who I like from the OCs, since it's really unfair to all of you out there. So, for your OC to be a valid entry in the contest, you have to write a story for her.**

**The story should state her complete appearance, personality, background, family, and everything else that you think is special. I don't want to limit you guys to something, go crazy with it. But I don't want an entry that looks like it comes from a Ninja Trainers Card, e.g….**

**Name: Kyouda Sika**

**Age: 17**

**Village: Kumogakure no Sato**

…**and so on and so forth. I want it to be a real story, as in, through her point of view, but it also explains her life. I'd also like you all to refrain from having her in love/in a relationship with an Akatsuki character. But if it's an important factor in her life, just state it in the AN. If she's in love with an OC, though, put him in the story. Any other questions on this, just ask it in a review.**

**Speaking of OCs, I'm currently improving all of them, so the things you know about Tseuchi and Kaira (the only two introduced, even though you guys technically don't know that much about Kaira) are mostly changed. Though their villages, ages, and the like are still the same. I'll also try to upload pictures of them on deviantart so you guys can get the full image on the, but don't raise your hopes too high. Even with all of this, I am still, nonetheless, lazy, wheter it be writing a story or drawing art. ^^;**

**I guess I've pretty much told you guys everything you need to know right now, all I have to do now is wait for your reviews. Please, everyone who reads the "Akatsuki Kunoichi?", review. This is very crucial for the story's outcome, it depends on all you readers out there. I swear, depending on its outcome, I'll make it the best story possible out there. 100% on everything. Also, feel free to state any flaws you have with this story. I'll take a flame or two, but not too hard, please. :D**

**Ja Ne,**

**Moonlight**


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